more quotes forthcoming as I manage to cull them from my class notes.
“You’re experiencing brain lesions just listening to me now. This has already been destructive to you in a variety of ways.” — DR, HT
“I’ve switched to Grey’s Anatomy; Law & Order has just gotten too complicated for me.” — DR, HT
[OUT OF ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE, IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLASS DEBATE]
“I’m hungry.” — HG, HT-100
“Wow. It’s like you just discovered the internet.” — Matt
“And there are moods! Like I could slip you something and put you in a mood…” — HG, HT-100
“Remember how I raised a monkey? Frodo, my monkey?” — KF, HT-100
“it’s like when you throw children up in the air. They laugh because you catch them—but they don’t laught UNTIL you catch them.” –DR, HT-100
“It’s a bit like Borat, which I haven’t seen yet.” — HG, HT-100
(absolutely out of NOWHERE)
“I’m actually having this incredible flashback to the summer of 1965.” — HG, HT-100
“There’s just way too much estrogen in my life.”–Lara
“I won’t be the Ali G of this…” — HG, HT-100
“Assimilation and accommodation — known as ‘Batman’ and ‘Robin.’” — HG, HT-100
On Rorschach Tests:
“Now, lots of you will see a penis growing out of a rosebush. Years of therapy will correct that.”– DR, HT-100
“You’ll see that I’m not drinking diet today, since you’ve conditioned me not to drink the diet.” — HG, HT-100
“I listed seven intelligences — AND, I can name them.” — HG, HT-100
**********************
Vintage quotes! Rescued from the old blog.
note to self: see 12.13.02
QUOTES: from Freshman Year:
me: “no, they’re cool — they’re just basically those odd people we knew in high school but grown up.”
Amy: “wow. my table used to throw things at their table.”
“The dichotomy is overwhelming! — allow me to sit cross-legged.” — Win. not a recent quote; I just think it deserves to be up here.
“Consider yourself lucky. If you were in Catholic school, you’d be bleeding by now.” — Doc
“What are you talking about? Robert is like the weirdest person ever to be in a relationship with — except maybe for Charles Manson.” — Doc
“This is the one time I’m going to do something fair in this class. I’m going to let you win — REALLY!!” — Dr Starbird
Stuart: “I had a lightbulb last five years.”
mohawk boy: “Aww, it’s like Hannukah.”
“Well, yeah, taking advantage of ignorance — that’s life! That’s the whole point of this class!” — Dr Starbird
“And there are other people — we’ll call them ‘crazy people’ — who have a different view.” — Dr Starbird
“Understandable; one would find it difficult to keep a tight sphincter in a situation like this.” — Dr Hilfer. (good God.)
“Hey, we’re all adults here; just take off your pants.” — visiting poet in my poetry class
girl: does this girl know you’re writing stuff like this?”
guy who insists on writing graphic poems about his sex life: “Oh, it’s just kind of a composite of a few people.”
Dr Kroll (dryly): “So what, you can’t remember whose underwear is whose?”
assorted Hilfer responses to cell phone rings:
Charlene’s, during discussion on Kafka: “Tell them you can’t be bothered, you’re in the middle of someone else’s nightmare.”
Charlene’s, during Porter: “Tell them you’re busy.”
Rebecca’s, during Eliot: “Oh, tell them to screw off!”
“Because that’s what you do with attractive things: shrink ‘em in size and put three of ‘em down.” — Dr Starbird
“Where do ferns come from? NOT Donald Duck!! what’s wrong with you people?!?” — Dr Starbird
“Do you know that Gary Glitter song?”
(long pause)
“it starts, ‘come on, come on, come on come on, won’t you join my gang.’”
(long pause)
“And the second verse is, ‘I’m the leader, I’m the leader, I’m the leader of the gang.’ Followed by, ‘Don’t you wanna, don’t you wanna, don’t you wanna join my gang?’”
(even longer pause)
“I often think of that song. I relate to it somehow.” — Dr Charlesworth. what the HELL.
“I regard Rococo as a completely worthless period of art history. It bears NO relationship to historical fact! I’LL BE DEAD before you hear me use the word ‘rococo.’” — Dr Charlesworth, my (freakin’ bipolar) art history prof
(after a long silence, several hours after I had a haircut)
Kathy: “Your head doesn’t look any different.”
Matt: “I noticed!”
Galen: “I didn’t.”
my mom: “I said I did, but I didn’t either.”
Daniel: “So I effectively drove four hours so your hair could look the same.”
Dr Fulton: “Has anyone ever been in the Zone?”
Wendy: “What is the Zone?”
Nick: “So that’s a ‘no’ for Wendy.”
Naufil: “I am now a Democrat.”
Daniel: “So are Republicans just Democrats who haven’t gone to jail yet?”
“Varent’s just in it for the exchange of fluids.” — David
“Well, I have a limited experience with pornos.” — Dr Hilfer
So they’re having frenzied sex in the coach.” — Dr Hilfer
“You know, there are only so many positions.” — Dr Hilfer (oh yes. That’s exactly what he meant.)
“Flannery O’Catholic — er, O’Connor.” — Dr Hilfer
“Americans made moonshine existentialism — like in a back shed somewhere and it turned out okay.” — Dr Hilfer
“Basically what you’re looking at is a fifteenth century pin-up girl.” — Daniel’s art history prof
“If food is like sex, hot sauce is S&M.” — Matt
Daniel: “So, basically what you’re saying is that all of east Asia stole its language and culture from China? Even the Japanese?”
James: “Are you kidding? The Japanese are the worst! They’re like… the white people of Asia!”
“People used to be afraid of sex — men either had prostitutes or waited til they were married. And women either WERE prostitutes or waited til they were married.” — Dr Hilfer (have I told you recently that my World Lit prof is a DIRTY OLD MAN?!)
Hilfer: “you’d be better off staying at home tossing off.” ” So is that ha ha, big joke on rabbits?” — Dr Hilfer
me: “Billy Corgan trying to reinvent identities for the Pumpkins.” “This idea…is LETHAL! ” — Dr Starbird (on irrational numbers):
“I went ape-shit art historian style.” — Elizabeth
Rebecca: “Most religions accept that animals have souls, although they can’t pray.” “Dude, I can be Branagh. You can be Branagh’s hair, and I can be Branagh.” — Rebecca
“Just TRY eating muffins in an agitated manner!” –Dr Hilfer
Dr Hilfer: “Who would you rather have at a dinner party — Wilde or Dante?”
Dr Hilfer: “So what is the Science of Life?” “This is the protein and here is the steeple. Open it up, and there’s all the H-bonds.” — P2 bio
Dr Starbird: “Why are there more babies born in these months?” “I really don’t know the rules under which mental carpets operate.” — Plan II Math student
student: “Like the guy in the blue.” “And these people over here appear to be hobbits.” — Dr Charlesworth (oh I am so very much looking forward to this art history class)
(after a long silence, while watching basketball) “Man. I really want that Asian cheerleader.” — James
“You have to dress sparkly when you know it’s not going to be a sparkly day.” — Candace
“You can’t go lugging torsos — especially not those of big fat men — into the garden.” - Dr Koons (Plan II Logic, baby)
“If I were a martyr, I’d be dead by now, wouldn’t I, Tricia?” - Galen
Mrs Hilfer: “Oh, that’s great — how old is your niece?” Amy: “Woo hoo bathroom!” Girl: “They need to make blankets that stay on your arms–” “You can’t be just a little but pregnant amd mostly not; likewise, you can’t be just a little bit practicing paganism and mostly not.” – Plan II Logic in action (courtesy of Dr Koons himself)
“Socialism sounds beautiful in theory – it’s just when you put it into practice that everyone ends up in concentration camps.” – my World Lit prof
“That’s okay, Amy – prepositions are hard.” – me
(class laughs)
Hilfer: “You know, wanking?”
Jon: “I think we got it.”
Rebecca: “Billy Corgan trying to be God.”
Ryan (very seriously): “Dude, Billy Corgan IS God.”
Jon (very hopeful): “But all dogs go to heaven!”
Jon: “Reproduction?”
Dr Hilfer: “Yes, although there is no direct relation between that and cucumber sandwiches.”
student: “Because they’re nine months after the winter months?”
Dr Starbird: “No, April’s nine months after September.”
Curtis: “Back to school.”
Dr Charlesworth: “Which guy?”
student: “The guy on the left.”
Dr Charlesworth: “Ah, the guy on the left. Otherwise known as THE REDEEMER.”
David: “oh, negative two days.”
Me: “Woo hoo contacts!”
Galen:”Woo hoo sitting here!”
Me: “They’re called sweaters.”